...because we were all created single, but not equal.
The Hurt Single Girl - *cue adele playlist* Fresh out of a break up where she was either played, cheated on or just straight dumped. The break up was not her choice and her world is falling apart. She may be skipping out on meals, sleep & human interaction, ignoring phone calls and pretending to be dead to the world. This single girl truly does believe she can die from this, she probably rather die than feel her heart breaking. She is lifeless, numb and in shock. She will get over it. Time heals all.
The 'Over It!' Single Girl - Again, the break up for whatever reason was not her choice. She was dumped, but chooses to patch her broken heart with a bandaid by announcing 'He ain't shit anyway, I'm on to the next'. She also airs out all his dirty laundry, negative characteristics and all of a sudden the man she used to love is the devil himself (eyeroll). She is in denial and will sooner than later slip into the first stage or back into bed w the man who dumped her because 'things are different this time'. This girl will go out and live the party life to not think about the break up. She is likely to practice the 'To get over your ex you gotta get under ya next' mantra. Not a hoe, just some hoe decisions...and we ain't gonna judge em, they ain't on trial. *daps all rappers*
The Bitter Single Girl - Ahh! Let's have a moment of silence for this girl. *bows head* I will break this one up into two categories: The Preacher & The Closet Bitter Girl.
The Preacher - You don't even have to ask this girl any questions cause she is already talking about who did her wrong and how many times she fucked up his car. Her preferred method of denial is to bash every man in her world, your world and ya mammas world...even ya daddy ain't shit to this girl. Shes the girl you want to tell to shut the FUCK up. It's a real cry for attention and just a passing phase but it's annoying as fuck. Her bitter partners in crime enable her behavior with 'Yes, girl. He AINT shit. You need a bat?'. Actually, these girls dont need enablers, they just go off alone. They are their own fuel. Like I said, this is just a cry for attention and this won't last too long. This girl will break down and cry one day and allow herself to go through the mourning process of a breakup or she will start a new relationship prematurely and punish the new guy for all the things the old guy did. It's just a recipe for disaster. Girls in this stage don't really realize it, don't feel strong enough to snap out of it. Pride is a strong and enabling factor in this stage.
The Closet Bitter Girl - This could be any girl. Could be you, shit sometimes it's me, depending on what we are talking about & what day of the month it is (not gonna lie). This girl has been hurt as we all have, she may have mastered some coping methods, she's over a few things but still hasn't fully answered all the questions regarding the break up. Questions which keep her guarded and defensive when it comes to new relationships. She's the girl who can think of a positive outcome but can also think of a million ways for something to not work out. She has hope but reality crushes her romantic dreams. Initially, this girl seems like she's genuinely single but after a few conversations, you can tell she's been through it and is still looking for closure. More hopeful than The Preacher, but in a darker place emotionally. Again, only a phase...but, approach w caution (may flip to uber emo single girl when alcohol is ingested).
The Emotionally Unavailable Single Girl- A step in the right direction, just not there yet*. She has been through the sad and angry stages of single-ness and has accepted the terms of the break up but is still not ready to open up emotionally w anyone. This girl is likely to pass up genuine, good guys. She also had a high probability in being a closet-bitter. She's really just not ready & recognizes that, let her be.
The Ride or Die but Single, Girl. - Ride or die, right here. Even when he ain't w her, she rides for him til the death. This girl was dumped but fed hope that one day 'when he gets his shit together' they gonna be right back. She is single and open to getting involved w new people but when the ex is ready, she is willin to drop anyone for him. She is dumb (in this stage) and usually deserving of more than the man she is settling for but you can't tell her nothin. She often blames herself for the bullshit he does and is willing to sacrifice her lifestyle to accommodate his needs/demands. She is stuck in a cycle whether she realizes it or not. Usually the 'in between men' are better than 'the guy' but will never compare (or win) because she will stay commited to the history and the hope of a happy ending. Sometimes these girls are open and conscious about this, sometimes they are not...THOSE girls toggle between this stage and The Preacher or Hurt Stage. Every week is a new roller coaster of emotions.
The 'Im Single, but..' Single Girl - Anyone who is emotionally involved with someone mutual or not is IN a relationship, dont debate me. She meets new guys and compares them to the one she is mentally and/or physically committed to. In this stage, a girl usually asks herself 'Why not me?' while the man she wants is pursuing another or while her homegirls are boo'd up in the club. She is most likely in a fake relationship with a real single man who has no idea she has relationship expectations of him & just thinks of her as an option. When she realizes this she will drown in vodka & adele & go through the stages too...till then, NEXT!
The (real) Single Girl, Forreal- *sigh of relief* my favorite! (hey girls!) The beauty of being alone and enjoying yourself, cooking for one and loving it, flirting, dating, sexing when you want & you call the shots. You get it when you want it but you never need it. They have been thru most/all of the previous stages and somewhere along the way the lightbulb went off or they hit rock bottom and built themselves back up. The beauty in the breakdown I am always talking about is evident in this stage. It's beautiful. Emotionally smart & open, at peace with all the ghosts of breakups past and knowing what she wants out of the next relationship but focusing on bettering herself. It's possible to bounce into this stage sometimes when your non relationship is rocky, but only briefly until she is fully over that non relationship, she will not experience the magic of this final stage. As with all the stages, it's temporary. She won't be single forever, maybe she won't be single ever again...maybe she will & it will hurt again, but it will heal again too.
That's my take on the wild & wonderful journey of single women. Whether it is by choice or you are still playing 'MASH' and hoping he sees every sub-tweet on ya timeline, you are single & fit into at least one single girl stage (if not more). It's far from a bad thing & a great opportunity you can take advantage to find out how YOU contributed to past broken relationships, review your flaws, forgive #him & truly move forward. If not for him, then for you. It's a new year, after all...
Which single girl are you? I'd love to hear your reactions/feedback/journeys! Thank you for reading!
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