Beauty in the Breakdown.

(wrote this sometime in July, before I had a this blog. read, share, marinate in it & enjoy)

There is a false and dangerous assumption in society that the man in a relationship is the cause of the break up. In every relationship there are two people (at least), two personalities, two visions, two sets of expectations, therefore two servings of responsibility & accountability for actions and effects and how they affect both parties. A lot of times, I see girls talking about how a man did her wrong, cheated, lied, faked the whole relationship & yes, thats wrong. No one should do that to another person, BUT in many cases these statements bashing men are made with the belief that women are flawless and the only positive contribution to the relationship. When I see women talk like this, I know it’s a form of denial, to cover the heartbreak and to avoid placing blame on herself. The fear of looking in the rear view mirror and admitting you could have done a few things differently. 

People often disguise their sadness with anger. Why are we so scared to show off our hurt, our tears...but its so easy to bash and brag about how angry we are, airing out all of his dirty secrets. Why cant we just say ‘Im really hurt about this, I wish I had someone to talk to or I need an outlet to vent’ its okay to cry to talk to repeat it over and over again until its out & you can move on to the next stage of the ‘moving on’ process. Women actually lower themselves to a level of ‘ugly’ when they talk badly about these men they once loved and honestly still love (you’re not fooling anyone).

We all have flaws, we bring those flaws with us in every relationship. If you are a woman telling yourself you are single because of how men are, what they do or anything like that…take a step back and realize you are analyzing everyone but yourself. Think about your last relationship and think about why it ended. If you don’t know then you can make a list of possibilities, with each possibility ask yourself ‘how did I help that situation, how did I hurt that situation?’. If you DO know why your last relationship ended, internalize it (in a healthy way). For example, cheating. Cheating and lying is wrong and the ultimate form of disrespect but if this happens you you over and over again, you are the common demoninator and you should look into that. Think about what drove him to cheat? Very few men cheat because they feel like fucking a new girl, its never okay but there is usually a reason.

We stay in the same situations because we fail to learn from our past mistakes and we rather go with what is comfortable even when it is not comfortable or healthy for our emotional well being. Its painful to analyze how YOU affect a situation in a negative way, its painful to place blame on yourself, but it brings great rewards. Staying in a negative situation is adding to your destructive cycle even when you are doing nothing at all. The fear of the unknown will only keep you hurt, healing the same wounds for years. 

True change comes with evaluating yourself and taking accountability for what you can change. Saying to yourself ‘This is what I do, this is the effect of it, I don’t want that effect so I need to change it…’. This is hard to do, especially with our subconscious mind and comfort having a huge magnetic attraction to each other.

I hate seeing women in such negative places & not admitting ‘Im HURT, HELP’. Face the hurt head on and cry. Its okay. Take responsibility for your half of the failed relationship, fix what you can and execute the lessons learned on the next guy. That’s the best you can do.

Not every ex wants you back, not every ex is the devil’s spawn, not every ex is scum of the earth. They may not want you back, you know what? That is okay cause that relationship didn’t work for YOU anyway! Grow from the break up, appreciate for the lessons you learned with him and move on. We have to learn how to appreciate people even when they are evil and hurt us. They break us down and strip us of our pride, dignity & self worth at times but like spring you can come back better, fresher, brighter, stronger, with a healthier love in you.