How many times a week do you read '#THETHIRST' on twitter, FB, etc...? Me, a million. Can't help but wonder how much attention these girls are actually getting or are they bragging about attention they wish they were getting, subconsciously hoping they'd get some...pun intended. Sometimes, I just want to ask to see the actual 'thirst', so I know its real..? But, seriously...I know there are men (& women) out there that do not take "No" for an answer and insist with the DMs, follows and constant compliments but at what point are we over diagnosing 'Thirst' and missing genuine interest and concern to get to know a deeper, realer you...not just your twitter handle or your fake FB name..?
Women are funny. If a man shows interest, he's thirsty. If a man shows no interest, he's stupid. What do we want? Can you blame him? Even if a man found a woman on the internet or in real life that he found gorgeous or just felt a connection with, he is at the mercy of possible public humiliation and rejection. No man is trying to risk that! No man is approaching you in hopes to become the laughing stock of a TL. So, really...lets kill the whole 'thirst' phenomenon. Meanwhile, you are calling him thirsty, you're sleeping next to hella pillows thinking of the last time someone occupied your bed with you. Why do women empower themselves by turning down men, potential partners, friends, lovers, husbands (yes, that still happens)? Not only do you turn them down but you dead make it a goal to shatter egos! Im always rooting for the women, but in this case, I can't get down with that. I'm not about shattering egos, self confidence and manhood. You shouldn't be either, ladies.
If a man is approaching you or contracting you to tell you how much he enjoys something about you, or he would like to take you out...thank him and keep it moving if you are not interested. Screenshotting and RT'ing that DM he sent you asking to chill for some twitter fame is equivalent to #him posting your pics on his TL to embarrass you. Tasteless and senseless...lets have respect for each other and appreciate the compliment. Women are out here acting like men owe them a compliment quota a week and shit, no. Call me crazy, but I don't know what to do with compliments. They make me uncomfortable and I don't have anything to say past 'Thank You', so Im likely to make a dumb joke and embarrass myself in the process. Now, if you're interested in the guy....then its not thirst. I've noticed this. If the female is interested in the inquiring male then she keeps it a secret, doesn't expose it to the world and plays along. So really, the determining factor of thirst is whether the recipient is interested or not. Not that they are 'Thirsty" but "Am I Thirsty?". Right?
Men, are less likely to expose female 'Thirst', I've noticed. For one, a woman kicking it to a man is 'hot' and (I'm sorry ladies, but..) men are smart. Whether you are interested or not, you keep her on good terms and friendly for a 'rainy day'. The one night his starting five ain't acting right, he might have some other options for entertainment, potentials. Potentials that women throw away everyday and then complain via lonely tweets and mystery #hims. Keep publicly slapping that thirsty hashtag on these dudes and thats just how you will stay, lonely and lonelier. In no time, no one will give you any of the attention you actually enjoyed because you're 'that girl that posted the screenshot'.
This internet behavior is equivalent to the pretty girls with the nasty attitudes in real life. You know, the girls with NO REASON to be mad, she just pretty as hell and wakes up mad? Yea, her. At first guys see it as a challenge, but after a few weeks, months...no one wants to deal with that shit. Why would anyone sign up for misery, unhappiness and constant bashing sessions?! In my opinion, instantly classifying something as 'Thirst' is juvenile and petty. I mention all the time how many people I have met via social networks that have become friends to me, women and men. Im not on the internet to be a loner (I am a loner, though). Had I reached and 'exposed' some of my -now- male friends as 'Thirsty', I wouldn't have those friendships. Come to the realization that, hey...not every guy wants you. Not every man is trying to sleep with you. If you genuinely think that then, you have an issue. Id suggest you trace it back to where your view on men originated, probably somewhere in grade school. Think about it, before you jump off the Assumption Bridge to make an ass out of yourself and a man figure out if he is really 'Thirsty' or if its just you wanting to drown yourself in some internet attention via some more followers and a few RTs.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Great Love: Part 1
I speak a lot of about lessons in our lowest times, those have which fueled most of my posts and inspired me to grow into the woman I am today. As most women, I love me some Sex and the City & I often think about the episode where Charolette says we only have 2 great loves (I love that one). I've been waiting for a time to talk about my great love, the one who broke me down and built me up. Its been a long and twisty journey & I know some of you (reading) are/have/will be on this journey too. :)
*inhales*
It was 2008 (or 2009?) and the week of my birthday, My boyfriend of 2 years dropped me off after a wonderful birthday dinner and was going to work. About 30 minutes later, I got a text from him 'I don't want to be with you anymore, I'm sorry.'. -what- yes. exactly. I was confused but I stayed calm, put my phone down and continued what I was doing. We had broken up times before and this really didn't make sense at the time. I remember almost thinking I was dreaming, this just couldn't be happening to me. Not like this, not after everything we had been through, not in a text, not on my birthday week. No. Yes, It was happening, like this, after everything, to me, in a txt, on my birthday week.
Like many college students, I was in love with a man I was certain to spend the rest of my life with. My dreams were planned by 'We wills' & 'Us'. I had mapped out graduation dates and how soon after we'd be living together. I had a relationship with him, his son, his family, his extended family, his church, his job. Our lives had connected to become one, there was no way, I was living without this man. Well, you know what they say...all you need is a plan for God to laugh at you, right? Well, I was the joke. After our 2 years of LOVE, one text broke it down for me...he didn't wanna be with me, thats it. That night (and many many nights after), I tried getting him on the phone to talk about it and I was convinced I'd get him back (He was TRIPPIN! LOL) But hearing him on the phone after a few nights and many attempts to take it back to where I thought it was, it was apparent that he had mourned the break up long before it happened. It was over, for him and for me it had just began. Once I was at that realization, it was like glass shattered inside me, cutting up every ounce of life I had left and I was done for. Stripped of all my defenses and I honestly would have rather he killed me, I didn't want to live. Everyday was just like the last, maybe the sun was shining, maybe it was was warm out, I wouldn't know cause I didn't feel anything. Numb. Dead. Gone. His graduation came and my friends attended while I sat in my dark room listening to the roaring crowd as names were announced. We had been over for a while now and I was still lifeless. In those months, everything reminded me of him, everything was him, it was almost like he had been so imbedded in my life that my mind had the power to literally see his dark, sleek 6foot shadow anywhere. Every now and then I would forget that we weren't together and pick up the phone to call & his words echoed in my head 'I don't want to be with you.'. Nights, weeks & months passed...I was above water again, able to breathe. Sleep without crying, thoughts of him became less and less and before I knew it I was smiling more, again. I didn't know when I'd be ready to talk about it again without going back to that dark, lifeless place, but at least he wasn't haunting my day dreams and terrorizing my nights sleep. I saw a light, I felt the sun again.
*exhale*
I often look back at that relationship. I find myself comparing men to him, subconciously attracting men just like him. Men possibly able to reenact and substitute what he was in my life. Like I said, I had my life planned with this man. I was going to graduate college exactly a year after he did and our life was going to begin. I had taken on the role of wife and step mother, what was mine was his and if he couldnt get it, I was gonna find a way for him to have it. Cause thats what you do for ya man, right? Little did i know, I was giving everything and he was keeping it all and then some for himself.
He is my Great Love, he is still the one. The one who taught me the most I could ever learn about myself. He 'pledged' me in a sense. Once I stopped fighting his decision to end our relationship, I was broken. I didnt know who I was, where I belonged, why I was here, there, anywhere. I had given him my everything and had nothing left to give myself. I was banking on because I was a good woman and lover, he would always come back to me, want to be with me. False, while I thought it was all for certain and planned out, I had taken things for granted. I became all about him, became him in a way. So much that he went to look for the girl he fell in love with and I was gone. I lost myself, how could I have expected him to stay?
The one who silently, with his decision forced me to look within myself and see what I could have done better. I believe that is a large part in why it hurt so much, I was forced to say 'Liz, you're not perfect, there are things about you that no one will put up with, CHANGE' and I did, Im still a work in progress, but that initial eye opening heartbreak was what got the wheels going. I had to change. Love alone was not going to keep anyone, it won't. Putting up with his lifestyle and adopting it as your own to satisfy a man and keep a relationship will not guarantee a relationship to last. He opened my eyes to always putting my priorities first, having a dream for myself that is going to happen with or without a 'him'. As much as that broke me down, the break through was worth it. I would not be the me I am had that not happened, I am a firm believer in that. I would not be as hopeful in love as I am today, had I decided to stay bitter because he left me in a text message. It was deeper than that, Liz had left the building and I needed to get her back. He knew that I wasn't gonna find me with him still in the picture. It had to be done. I had to find the Liz I was, the Liz he fell in love with & modify her, not with him in mind but with me in mind. The cost to pay was, he wouldn't be there in the end, to see the final product. With Great Loves, comes great sacrifices.
He wont be the one I spend the rest of my life with, but he is definitely one I wont forget. The one who taught me how to love, how to get over it, and how to love again, better and healthier. Its easier to stay in vicious cycles of love holding on to a dream you once created for yourselves than to admit 'This is not working for me and I am not reaching my highest potential in this relationship'. I learned that just because a relationship doesn't last, doesn't mean it went to waste. I don't know how many 'Great Loves' we have in our lives, I don't want to believe there is a limit on those things but I am grateful to have experienced one of mine and am hopeful to see whats to be learned with my next great love.
*inhales*
It was 2008 (or 2009?) and the week of my birthday, My boyfriend of 2 years dropped me off after a wonderful birthday dinner and was going to work. About 30 minutes later, I got a text from him 'I don't want to be with you anymore, I'm sorry.'. -what- yes. exactly. I was confused but I stayed calm, put my phone down and continued what I was doing. We had broken up times before and this really didn't make sense at the time. I remember almost thinking I was dreaming, this just couldn't be happening to me. Not like this, not after everything we had been through, not in a text, not on my birthday week. No. Yes, It was happening, like this, after everything, to me, in a txt, on my birthday week.
Like many college students, I was in love with a man I was certain to spend the rest of my life with. My dreams were planned by 'We wills' & 'Us'. I had mapped out graduation dates and how soon after we'd be living together. I had a relationship with him, his son, his family, his extended family, his church, his job. Our lives had connected to become one, there was no way, I was living without this man. Well, you know what they say...all you need is a plan for God to laugh at you, right? Well, I was the joke. After our 2 years of LOVE, one text broke it down for me...he didn't wanna be with me, thats it. That night (and many many nights after), I tried getting him on the phone to talk about it and I was convinced I'd get him back (He was TRIPPIN! LOL) But hearing him on the phone after a few nights and many attempts to take it back to where I thought it was, it was apparent that he had mourned the break up long before it happened. It was over, for him and for me it had just began. Once I was at that realization, it was like glass shattered inside me, cutting up every ounce of life I had left and I was done for. Stripped of all my defenses and I honestly would have rather he killed me, I didn't want to live. Everyday was just like the last, maybe the sun was shining, maybe it was was warm out, I wouldn't know cause I didn't feel anything. Numb. Dead. Gone. His graduation came and my friends attended while I sat in my dark room listening to the roaring crowd as names were announced. We had been over for a while now and I was still lifeless. In those months, everything reminded me of him, everything was him, it was almost like he had been so imbedded in my life that my mind had the power to literally see his dark, sleek 6foot shadow anywhere. Every now and then I would forget that we weren't together and pick up the phone to call & his words echoed in my head 'I don't want to be with you.'. Nights, weeks & months passed...I was above water again, able to breathe. Sleep without crying, thoughts of him became less and less and before I knew it I was smiling more, again. I didn't know when I'd be ready to talk about it again without going back to that dark, lifeless place, but at least he wasn't haunting my day dreams and terrorizing my nights sleep. I saw a light, I felt the sun again.
*exhale*
I often look back at that relationship. I find myself comparing men to him, subconciously attracting men just like him. Men possibly able to reenact and substitute what he was in my life. Like I said, I had my life planned with this man. I was going to graduate college exactly a year after he did and our life was going to begin. I had taken on the role of wife and step mother, what was mine was his and if he couldnt get it, I was gonna find a way for him to have it. Cause thats what you do for ya man, right? Little did i know, I was giving everything and he was keeping it all and then some for himself.
He is my Great Love, he is still the one. The one who taught me the most I could ever learn about myself. He 'pledged' me in a sense. Once I stopped fighting his decision to end our relationship, I was broken. I didnt know who I was, where I belonged, why I was here, there, anywhere. I had given him my everything and had nothing left to give myself. I was banking on because I was a good woman and lover, he would always come back to me, want to be with me. False, while I thought it was all for certain and planned out, I had taken things for granted. I became all about him, became him in a way. So much that he went to look for the girl he fell in love with and I was gone. I lost myself, how could I have expected him to stay?
The one who silently, with his decision forced me to look within myself and see what I could have done better. I believe that is a large part in why it hurt so much, I was forced to say 'Liz, you're not perfect, there are things about you that no one will put up with, CHANGE' and I did, Im still a work in progress, but that initial eye opening heartbreak was what got the wheels going. I had to change. Love alone was not going to keep anyone, it won't. Putting up with his lifestyle and adopting it as your own to satisfy a man and keep a relationship will not guarantee a relationship to last. He opened my eyes to always putting my priorities first, having a dream for myself that is going to happen with or without a 'him'. As much as that broke me down, the break through was worth it. I would not be the me I am had that not happened, I am a firm believer in that. I would not be as hopeful in love as I am today, had I decided to stay bitter because he left me in a text message. It was deeper than that, Liz had left the building and I needed to get her back. He knew that I wasn't gonna find me with him still in the picture. It had to be done. I had to find the Liz I was, the Liz he fell in love with & modify her, not with him in mind but with me in mind. The cost to pay was, he wouldn't be there in the end, to see the final product. With Great Loves, comes great sacrifices.
He wont be the one I spend the rest of my life with, but he is definitely one I wont forget. The one who taught me how to love, how to get over it, and how to love again, better and healthier. Its easier to stay in vicious cycles of love holding on to a dream you once created for yourselves than to admit 'This is not working for me and I am not reaching my highest potential in this relationship'. I learned that just because a relationship doesn't last, doesn't mean it went to waste. I don't know how many 'Great Loves' we have in our lives, I don't want to believe there is a limit on those things but I am grateful to have experienced one of mine and am hopeful to see whats to be learned with my next great love.
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