why do we place SEX on the highest pedestal of what a relationship consists of?Let me say this before I explain myself; to each, their own. I chuckle hearing girls say 'No, he has to wait till the 3rd date' or 'We can't have sex until we are in a relationship' or 'I have a 3 month rule', thats fine...whatever works for you, boo...but lets set some things straight! Lets take the '3 month rule' for example. In those 3 months of spending time with someone you are attracted to, usually you start trusting them, respecting them, confiding in them, there may be a sense of loyalty and mutual understanding with that person. All things building up to an awesome relationship, not found in everyone minus what can be found in everyone....sex. SO! you have spent 90 days with this man, Im betting on the fact that you have stopped yourself from hot and heavy make out sessions to not have sex and made all attempts to not break your 3 month rule. Is waiting 3 months for something that is natural to humans going to stop you or him from not wanting a relationship anymore or is your plan going to make him want a relationship MORE? Are you telling me that sex is THEE determining factor in which a person stays or leaves in an 'almost' relationship? Here is where I disagree.
Call me liberal, but sex...is basically like the bodega, its always open and available. Sometimes, on any corner at any hour of the night. If you think for one second that man you have waiting 3 months/dates/semesters to 'assure his loyalty' is not having the pussy handed to him in a text, tweet, DM, skyped, face timed & hand delivered to his house, you are sadly mistaken girl. If someone is attracted to you, they want to have sex with you, period. As civilized and advanced as we are, sexual attraction is one thing we have not surpassed. It is a very basic concept, we are mammals and our natural instincts tell us to have sex. Its this patriarchal society that has poisoned us with the subconscious punishment if we happen to be women AND promiscuous. (but this is not about patriarchy, this is about putting your pussy on a pedestal.)
Women have the nerve to argue that they will not sleep with a man they are attracted to until he takes them on *this many* dates over a 3-6month period but they are not prostitutes. Ma'am, you are placing a price on your pussy, we have a market for that & its not called dating. Like my good friend Nick (@inthenickoftime) jokes 'Dating is organized prostitution'. My only problem with this is women are failing to realize that in that time, in all the conversations you are having, feelings developing, you are exchanging things more valuable than sex in a relationship. You are developing what a relationship actually is based on, but are turning around and dismissing him when he wants to have sex with you. 'He just trying to fuck me', well guess what, so are you! (but after he proves himself with the time/money he spends on you). Wanting sex is not a bad thing, it is the most natural thing your body can do. Besides, breathing & shit. Literally.
Am I making sense? You can't tell someone 'I can give you my time, trust, loyalty, conversation but i will deny you sex because you have to wait for that' What? After that, you want him to think of you as more than just sex when he's basically putting in the work to get sex? How about he works for the things that don't come naturally. How about you make him work for your loyalty, not everyone deserves that. How about you make him wait for your trust, the you you hide from most people? Sex? he can get that anywhere, odds are he's not waiting for you without dipping into the next bitch. Loyalty, Honesty, Love, Trust....those are qualities worth waiting for that hes NOT going to find in every girl.
I am making sense. The proof is in all the times you have made a man wait MONTHS for sex...and afterwards he, just like any dude you let smash on the first night...is out the door and never to be seen again. Like Ms. Davey Jones (@_daveybaby) said:
"Sexual chemistry is just as important as anything else when dating someone. So you wait 90 days, what happens when he plays you on the 91st day, after the sex?"Now you're all heartbroken because you were wide open (emotionally) but too naive to see that you opening your legs had nothing to do with his intentions of staying or leaving. He was going to get what he wanted and leave regardless of what the timeline looked like, you made the decision to give him all of YOU before you had sex with him, now you're hurt. Story sound familiar, yet?
My point is, stop acting like your sex is the only thing worth waiting for and thats the best thing you have to offer as a woman. You have better, more admirable and unique qualities than sex to offer a man. Stop denying yourself the natural instinct of wanting to have sex because he will not stay with you or because the next girl will think you are a 'hoe'. He will not stay with you with or without sex because he does not want to stay with you. He will cheat on you because he is a cheater, not because you had sex with him on the first or 15th night. Making sex the finish line in a beginning of a new relationship is saying you are willing to be wide open emotionally and personally with him but that is not worth as much as opening your legs. Men will respect you as long as you respect yourself, ask them. Men will acknowledge a self respecting woman that wants to have sex and an honest man will be honest with her. Like I said, a liar and a dog will be a liar and a dog whether you bussit wide open on the 1st night or the 78th night, that does not determine who you are...it shows you who they are. Accept that, keep respecting yourself and keep it moving.
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