Its Not You, Its Me

Its me. I know what I want and I wont be satisfied until I get it. So now, Ive decided in my sick & twisted mind, that I want you and of course its not the 'you' you think is ready to give me all I need. But I have seen the potential in you and Ive taken on the task of customizing it to fit me. Yea, I know..you didnt ask, you didnt agree, but the non verbal cues is what caught me. Roped me up & caught me like bait on a line and now Im stuck.

Stuck in this place where I know I should leave, but I stay. Dreams I should cease, but they remain. Conversations I should ignore, but I entertain. Stuck understanding exactly what I did to get me into this unemotional space, again. Its happened too many times before. Where I meet a suitor and start looking for suits that would suit him, in case. Stuck in disgust that such a smart, beautiful, creative, free spirit can sit home night after night wondering why one man in a world of many, would deny her. One man, of many...many I have fallen for and end the same..in the conversation of 'I dont want to hurt you, Im not trying to play games'. So, really..its not you, its me.

Its not you that wanted to be loved, me that yearns to love. Its not you that ran game, its me wanting to fall. Its not you not wanting to commit, its me committing. Committing to something make believe, to a contract not even signed, to the hope of one day falling for an idea, a man, that would dare falling for me. Its crazy, and probably untrue but trust me, I know its me...and not you.


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[ive had a lot of writing blocks lately, so i decided to just try 'writing whatevers on your mind'. this is a little -a lot- bold of me and disclosing but i believe no feeling is shared by one person alone in this world. so, i hope this speaks to someone, tickles someones heart or reminds you of how far you've come. regardless, thanks for reading and sharing.]