"But I Love Him"

In the midst of all the Steve Harvey theorist and twitter philosophers, women around the internet are stuck in lacking relationships giving no excuse why other than ‘..BUT I LOVE HIM!’ *side eye* Come on, now. This isn’t to come off as insensitive or unemotional, it’s the truth. Loving someone isn’t going to be enough to change the unhappy situation you are in. Obsessing over how things could be different is not going to actually make things change. Hoping he wont cheat again, isn’t going to stop him from cheating…again. Some women (and men) need to wake up and smell something, smoke something, whatever it takes to get you seeing things clearly again, for what they are.

What are you valuing in your relationship? The love, trust, and honesty or the tradition and longevity of it all? What actually matters? I know some people are in unhappy situations and know they deserve better but continue to put up with the bullshit just because its been *x amount* of years. This boggles my mind. How much do you hate yourself that you are okay with spending your life with someone who doesn’t make you 100% happy just because you’ve been with them since high school. Someone who in most cases has no respect for you, no loyalty to the relationship and acts single, ANYWAY. Why stay? Cause of the kids? Cause of the years? Cause the make up sex is that good? Cause of the memories? What is it!? When in the process of growing up and learning how to love and be loved does a person become okay with being emotionally trampled on over and over? When does it become okay for your worth to be sacrificed and ignored because of your partner’s shortcomings?

WOMEN are out here making too many damn excuses! There are reasons to stay in a relationship and work things out and then there are excuses to cover up you fears and insecurities. I have heard women blame themselves for why their man routinely steps out on their relationship, come on! Don’t stay in a relationship that you wouldn’t want your best friend to be in if the shoe was on the other foot. Don’t stay in a relationship that you’re having more make up sex than just plain old good sex. (Sex doesn’t have to be make up to be good, hello!) Don’t stay in a relationship because you don’t want them with anyone else, that’s selfish and dumb. Stop self reflecting and attempting to change yourself so much to the point that you have lost yourself, sometimes you cant change enough. You don’t have to be the one to change all the time. Its okay to say ‘I have tried, and you have not’ and expect work to be put in on the other end. Change in a relationship is a two way street.

Breaking up is hard to do, no doubt. But in many cases, it’s the best thing, the only thing left.  Ending a relationship is a serious of emotion and life changes to bring you to a new you. Be strong enough to allow that happiness into your life. Yes, you will miss them. Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, you will constantly have to remind yourself ‘Did I make the right decision’. But before you run right back to the temporary love of an old lover ‘because you love them’…remember all the reasons why you left all those times, cried all those nights, remember to love you FIRST. Loving him and losing you is a lose/lose situation. Stop covering up your insecurities of being alone with the proclamation of 'but i love him' when that love left a long time ago.